Invest In Yourself

So as I was telling my boyfriend a few nights ago, (after a glass or two of wine) that there comes a time in your life, where you need to assess if you're the best You that you should be.
If you've made a couple of mistakes (some more than others), your answer would probably be no. Well, in my case - no!
Career wise, I feel I'm not where I should be, and I'm not content with earning an average salary for the next 10 years. So, I've decided ... (wait for it) ... to be a WEDDING PLANNER!

I've just completed the course at the SA School of Weddings - yes, there's actually a school for wedding planning (and other wedding realted activities). However, if one more person asks me if the school teaches people to get married, I'm. Going. To. Freak!
Moving on - It's been a very interesting and fun learning experience. I believe I'm now equipped to take the responsibility of someone's BIG day on my shoulders. * Gulps * Speaking of which, I recenty did a wedding, and I've got another one lined up for next year. It's not as easy as it looks and it's nothing like that Wedding Planner movie with JLo in it. No Wedding planner runs around in heels and a microphone on a wedding day. It's so funny to me how people who know me agree that being a wedding planner suits me - well, why didn't you suggest it all this time! *rolls eyes dramatically*

Anyway, I'm launching my business next year.It's an equally exciting and scary feeling but I'm grateful for the support system that I have. I just feel like I'm slacking and that my day job doesn't give me the reward I'm hungry for. Does anyone else feel like that? Maybe it's just me, but I've come to a point where I 've realised I need to be the change I want to see. Feel free to check out my work and wedding blog at www.impressionsforever.co.za

Supernatural Encounters

So, even though I've steadily grown spiritually, I must say, I'm finding myself with more and more questions. My latest fascination, was inspired by a conversation that sparked up after a party at my house 2 nights ago...

My boyfriend's friend, (let's call him Peter, shall we) told us he was swimming in the complex pool with his girlfriend in the evening. Suddenly, a group of people appeared and told them to vacate the pool area because they needed to proceed with their cult meeting. Peter immediately did as he was told. He said the meetings occurred quite regularly and that he personally knew some of the members, as they are students at the nearby Uni. He then continued to say that one of them had actually showed up at my party.

Alright. *takes deep breath* everyone else seemed pretty calm when they heard this. I recall hearing a few chuckles as well. Can we please just take a step back here... OCCULT MEETINGS!!... BY THE POOL AREA!!... IN THE COMPLEX!!!

Am I the only one who finds this incredibly scary? I mean, even though I have a West African boyfriend, he's told me these stories a number of times, but, now it's actually hit home. Literally. It's happening right at the place where I take my afternoon Sunday dips.

This has come to a point where people no longer need to hide it. Or maybe I had been misinformed. I always thought things like that were done in secret, and that the members are sworn to secrecy, and wear masks when they have their meetings. Oh! and that the meetings would be in a more discreet place maybe?? I guess that's the movie version. 

I often ask my boyfriend why West Africans are so spiritual. They are either Christians, or they perform some sort of rituals. He says, if you're a lukewarm Christian- you will probably be killed off. You have to decide what you are, and practice it to the core.

As someone who grew up attending a Methodist Church, I would say, I was never really taught about these things, nor was I equipped with the knowledge of how to deal with it. I think that's why it scares me so much. I literally had to take a moment to pray and ask for protection. My neighbor could literally be a member of these things....

We really have to equip ourselves with spiritual weapons. Ignorance is not an excuse, and the enemy clearly doesn't rest. It's so easy to just ignore these things and pretend they don't exist, but it became clear to me last night, that I need to make a stand, and stop being an "I-pray-on-Sundays" Christian. 

Past. Present! Future?

It's when your boyfriend starts saying things like, "Just trying to set us up for our future... So you'll have to bear with me for now"... that you realize, Oh shit! I might just be with this person forever. It's scary and exciting at the same time.
I mean, how strange is it that giving someone your number could alter your happiness for the rest of your life?? *Mind. Blown*

Meanwhile, back in the outer limits of my brain... I've heard this all before. And believed it all before. Long story short. That didn't go as planned. Due to past events, I now struggle to have faith in statements that should have me gleaming with joy. It's so hard to get over being told that you aren't good enough, or that you come from a broken home and that you're the product of a dead beat father.
Coming out of all that, then meeting an amazing guy, kinda feels like I bit off more than I could chew. Am I ready for this? Am I ready to receive love that's unconditional when I don't even feel worthy of it?

I think the purest form of love that I had died when I realized I had been naive. I find myself wondering if I'll ever love like that again. I feel broken. It is somewhat unfair for the guy I'm dating now. He's giving me his entire heart, and I'm giving him what's left of mine. I wonder if it will ever be whole again. Now I'm starting to sound like those over emotional junkies. Great. This is really not the vibe I was going for when I decided to blog today. This was supposed to be a 'Hooray, I'm in love and my boyfriend is seeing a future with me' post! Well, so much for that. I suppose I should amend the title to something depressing as a warning... okay, this is getting weird, I'm talking to myself and making you read it. Okay. Bye.

2 Years later...

So, remember the girl I posted about in October 2013... (you can quickly click on the link and read it if you need to refresh your memory: That girl I've seen around )

Anyway, this news is bittersweet. Palesa disappeared after a visit from her friend's house, on her way to school. However, she never actually got to school. So we all assumed that something had happened to her on the way. A number of us talked about the possible scenarios, like, she was hit by a car and the motorist panicked and disposed of the body somewhere. Or that she had been kidnapped and human trafficked. Or even that she had eloped to France with a handsome foreign guy.
(Okay, maybe that last one is a bit much.)  Never the less, no one expected the news that surfaced a few weeks ago.

The police received a tip off that her body was buried in her friend's back yard. Yes! The friend she had visited. PLOT TWIST!!! I mean, how did that family keep her body in the yard for 2 years???
I wish we had a forensics
team from those CSI shows to examine her remains and find out exactly how she died. The police haven't said much yet. A funeral was held at the university this past weekend for her.
I know it's sad that she is no longer alive, but I do hope this will bring the family closure, and that they can finally be at peace.

I guess it's safe to say there are a lot of parents who won't want their children to visit their friends now.

Interesting Encounters

So, it's 2016. A new year. New me? Nah... not so much.

Everything is just going... slow. On a more positive note. I met a lady on new year's eve. I assume she's in her early 30s or late 20s. She was tall, with a body of a model. She had an elegant charm about her. In a nutshell, she studied law and she recently got a job offer at the UN, so she's leaving for New York in march.
"I'm a hard worker. I will not settle for anything less than the best that I can be. I'm going to New York and my circles include people like Richard Branson and (she mentioned another name that I didn't recognize, but I'm sure the person is affluent)!"

I just listened to the way she spoke. She is so ambitious, eloquent and confident. In all honesty, her story didn't make me jealous or envious, but rather, got me thinking if I'm the best Yolanda I could have been.
Quite frankly, no, I am not.

It's sad really. Knowing that in reality you're a sub-standard version of yourself. However, all hope is not lost. I think the real tragedy is when you stop trying to improve yourself.
After a hearty conversation, the conclusion was that I need to go back to school.

"There's a lady named Lara who I'd like you to meet. She is the CEO of the President's Award Youth Empowerment Programme. I think your story can inspire a lot of young people, and she might be able to help you with some of the challenges that you're facing. It hurts me to see young people not fulfilling their potential. I want you to succeed. It's up to you to enroll for the degree, because come March, I'll be jetting off to New York. Then one day, while sipping a martini on my yacht, I'll be like, Yolanda who? Oh, she didn't take my advice? shame."

At this point of the conversation, the expression on my face is just blank. Not sure if I was stuck on the part where she's sipping martinis on a yacht *rolls eyes* or visualizing myself unsuccessful.
In essence, it was weird for me, to have a stranger be so passionate about my success. Intense.

A few days later...
I tried to apply for the degree programme only to realize, it was too late, and applications for the 2016 intake were closed. I told her about it. To my dismay, this was her response:
"If I may speak plainly and with truth... seems to me like you're looking to back out. If you're not ready, leave it... but I will only introduce you to Lara when you are a registered student."

So that was the end of that.

Scatter Brain

So... I've been thinking about enrolling for a one year course at a nearby college. (I won't say what course it is - don't wana jinx it), it's literally something that occurred to me while I was browsing the net and I decided to just apply for the course. I mean, I've always believed it's great to have skills in many different spheres, AND I'd love a new way to explore my creative streak (if I might say so myself). It's exciting to embark on something new.

Then. I quickly decided to tell my significant other about my new embarkment. Here's how the conversation went...

ME: Hey babe, I think I want to enroll for a 

                               course. Lol

HIM: Erh... ok. You've decided that after one day? Smh

ME: Well, yes, I'm looking into it.

HIM: Lol, ok. I think I should have a chat with your boss. You have too much time on your hands!

ME: Really now?!? Whose side are you on?

HIM: I'm craving pizza.

So in a nutshell, my boyfriend didn't take me seriously. Now I've decided I really want to do this. Besides, I'll be paying for myself and attending Saturday classes. + I'm not going to tell anyone about it (well, unless they read the blog - but technically I didn't say what exactly it is that I'm doing - so I'm safe). Okay, I just had a one man conversation. Sigh. 

PS: Are the spinning circles distracting you????? Hahaha, welcome to my world. Whenever I try to do something, there's always something distracting me.

And on a lighter note: I'm concurrently reading 3 books. Depending on my mood.

1) E L James : 50 Shades Darker. Yeah, I'm actually reading the sequel, but I must say, it's become  quite dry, all Mr Grey and Ana ever do... is each other! I'd like the story to develop, it has so much potential. 

2) George R. R. Martin : A Game of Thrones. Following my impatience for the next season, I decided to start reading the books.

3) Gillian Flynn : Dark Places. If you watched the movie, Gone Girl, same author, darker story line and 10 times creepier!!! 

A Lesson Learnt

Since I started looking after myself, I'll admit - I was very naive about life. I didn't realise having to think of rent, food, transport, clothes, accounts, work and relationships would be this frustrating.

You just take everything for granted when it's given to you on a silver platter, but then again. I've discovered so many things about myself during this period. Some good, some not so... erh.. good. (Changes subject quickly)

One thing that's stuck out to me though, is my mom's attitude towards me these past few months. She's a very principled and very traditional woman. I respect her so much for that. However it makes her rigid and unaccepting of change. For example, it's culturally wrong for a daughter to move out of her mother's house before she's married. Exhibit A: ME! - Moves out at the age of 21 (with absolutely no plans of a mere engagement). So naturally, she is against my moving out. I understand that. Any mother would find it difficult to let their babies free into the cold, cruel world! However, it's been two years now. Our relationship has even developed astoundingly. (Or maybe that's just on my side). Once in a while, I ask her for something, it may be an item of clothing, or a handbag, and most recently, she bought a new washing machine and offered me the old one (which is already 2.5 years old). There's always one catch: I should pay her for anything I ask for!
yes - seriously!
Her response is always: you work now. Which is true, but by living by myself, I pay for everything anyway! I don't understand why she finds it so hard to support me, willingly, without me paying her.

The other weekend, we went to the mall, and she decided to get Burger King for her and my sister. Then she said,"You work, so I don;t have to buy you food right?" I nodded. "No hard feelings?" she added, and I nodded again. It's just at the point where even food is something she needs to use to prove a point. I've tried looking at it from different perspectives.Perhaps she doesn't think I'm ready to be looking after myself so she's trying to show me that nothing in life is easy, or free.

Bottom line: I get a reality check every day from life itself. I don't need it from my mom too...