Okay, so I'm sure we've all done things we regret,and sometimes (as much as I hate being cliche) desperate times call for desperate measures. No, don't worry, I didn't do anything stupid (Today). I just had an intresting arguement with a friend, and it got me thinking.
"Why do girls jump into a pool full of sharks and not expect to get bitten?"Firstly, I 'm one whose done this many times, and yet I don't learn. I've put myself in situations that I knew would end up bad, but I still did it anyway. The funny thing is: when "I get bitten," I ask myself why I let it get that far.
I'm sure many girls will admit that have used men for money, and lets be honest- right from the beginning, you know what he wants. I always convince myself, that everytime I take money from him, it will be the last time. Then I find myself going there again, and again. Of course, nothing is free, and the day came...
"I've been giving you money for over a year Yolanda, and you haven't given me anything!" (yes! over a year. to be honest I was starting to think he's an idiot lol) Anyway, that particular day I was desperate for money and I knew he wouldn't give me more unless I gave him what he wanted. So I got into his red GTI, and off we went. The closer we got to the house, the more nervous I became. When we stopped at traffic lights, people looked at me through the window- then looked at him. Golddigger , I felt as if they could see right through me. I was ashamed. Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to sleep with someone: for money?? Maybe. We pulled up to the apartments' underground parkinng lot. We drove into the ill-lighted, never-ending space. I glanced at the automated gate, which was now closing behind us. "I can't wait 'til I leave", I thought to myself as he proudly parked his red beauty. As soon as he switched the car off, he turned to me. The smug look on his face, made me imagine him breathing heavily into my ear in the next few minates. The thought sent shivers down my spine. His hand brushed over my thigh. I looked out the window."Lets go upstairs!" said the husky voice. My heart started racing. He asked again, this time, using his other hand to squeeze by breast. I told him I didn't want to go upstairs. "Yolanda, I've been very patient (okay, that part is true) and you know how much I want you. It will be quick I promise, and afterwards, we can go have some lunch-anywhere you want." The hand on my thigh made circular movements towards my groin. I felt sick. I kept a straight face. He told me how beautiful I was and how he had dreamt of the moment. He reached under my top, luckily, I was wearing three tops, so he was dissapointed when his hand was met by another layer of fabric- instead of the warm soft skin he had hoped to caress. He continued, rubbing me over my clothes for about 15 minutes. He then reached for my zip. I grabbed his hand and shook my head. "What Yolanda? I want you so bad! Please, you can't do this to me!" He reached for the zip again. This time, I placed my hand firmly over the zip. He tried to pull my arm away, but pulled it towards me. It was then, that I realised that he was forcing me to remove my hand. Then he looked around and locked the doors. Oh my god, I'm going to get raped! "Yolanda, just let me do this." He, put his hand under the three tops, and made his way towards my breasts. I tried to pull away, but he held me with his other hand. His phone rang. He stopped to answer it. A wave of relief. As soon as he hung up, I told him to open the doors and let me out. H resisted, but realised I wasn't joking and ended up driving me back.
The only thing I kept asking myself is: why? Why did I do this to myself? It wasn't worth it. Lets just stick to "swimming with dolphins!" *lesson learnt*
