A Little Goes A Long Way

Okay, so I know it's been a while. Too much has happened this year. I've moved 5 times. (Yes, 5 times!!), and no, I'm not a nomad, although I'm starting to feel like one. It's a funny story really. There's always something wrong, either the rent goes up alarmingly, just a month after I've moved in, or the housemate discloses that I can't have people over (after I've paid and moved in), or I realize that transport to work is difficult to get, or that the place is ugly. LOL. Okay maybe that last excuse isn't really a good one, but trust me, it had to be done.
I moved into a cute apartment about a week ago (no reference to the Bobby Shmurda song). I love the place. Near mom's house, near 2 malls, near my boyfriend, near my friends, affordable and close to work. It's perfect! BUT, my so-called housemate ditched me 4 days before we were due to move in. So long story short - only half my rent is paid. I'm really stressed out. Worried the owner will ask me to move out if I don't get someone to move in ASAP!!

Anyway, on a totally different topic, my faith is blossoming into something quite beautiful. (If I might say so myself). I used to be one of those people, who didn't really believe in God. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to believe, but I needed proof. I needed to experience this "Awesome God" that people speak of - In my own convincing way that I couldn't explain to anyone else.
Sure enough, I started attending a Bible study group, and to my dismay, I learnt (and I'm still learning) all the things I've been going about the wrong way. I've been trying to change these things about myself, and I must say, it's not easy.  However, I've discovered it's my day to day choices that allow my spirit to grow. I've never been good at praying either, but that has also developed in the past few months. I often look at those Christians who attend every church gathering, pray twice a day (everyday) and say things like, "Have a blessed day!" And I think to myself, I'm not ready for that. I still want to drink and party and have not-so-Christian-like fun, lol, (okay that part makes sense to me.) It just seems like a thin line. You get the extreme church goers, then the ones who only remember they're Christian on Sunday at 10am. So where exactly am I?
In the past few months, good things have happened when I've made commitments to God. He's giving me proof that he's there. I can't explain how, but I now believe he's there. The more I see how easy it is to be in line with his mercy and favour. I find myself wanting more of it, but at the same time, I still want to do the things that tear me away from him. It's hard. Very hard.


Why isn't it easy to be a good Christian? Surely this is why most people fall off the path. And am I the only one who struggles to read the Bible? I find it hard to even remember verses, but I can memorize  all the words in a rap song. It's strange.
My motto now is to drop one sin at a time. It's easier that way. I don't really think there's a true formula to being more like Jesus, but this is the best way I know how...