Scatter Brain

So... I've been thinking about enrolling for a one year course at a nearby college. (I won't say what course it is - don't wana jinx it), it's literally something that occurred to me while I was browsing the net and I decided to just apply for the course. I mean, I've always believed it's great to have skills in many different spheres, AND I'd love a new way to explore my creative streak (if I might say so myself). It's exciting to embark on something new.

Then. I quickly decided to tell my significant other about my new embarkment. Here's how the conversation went...

ME: Hey babe, I think I want to enroll for a 

                               course. Lol

HIM: Erh... ok. You've decided that after one day? Smh

ME: Well, yes, I'm looking into it.

HIM: Lol, ok. I think I should have a chat with your boss. You have too much time on your hands!

ME: Really now?!? Whose side are you on?

HIM: I'm craving pizza.

So in a nutshell, my boyfriend didn't take me seriously. Now I've decided I really want to do this. Besides, I'll be paying for myself and attending Saturday classes. + I'm not going to tell anyone about it (well, unless they read the blog - but technically I didn't say what exactly it is that I'm doing - so I'm safe). Okay, I just had a one man conversation. Sigh. 

PS: Are the spinning circles distracting you????? Hahaha, welcome to my world. Whenever I try to do something, there's always something distracting me.

And on a lighter note: I'm concurrently reading 3 books. Depending on my mood.

1) E L James : 50 Shades Darker. Yeah, I'm actually reading the sequel, but I must say, it's become  quite dry, all Mr Grey and Ana ever do... is each other! I'd like the story to develop, it has so much potential. 

2) George R. R. Martin : A Game of Thrones. Following my impatience for the next season, I decided to start reading the books.

3) Gillian Flynn : Dark Places. If you watched the movie, Gone Girl, same author, darker story line and 10 times creepier!!! 

A Lesson Learnt

Since I started looking after myself, I'll admit - I was very naive about life. I didn't realise having to think of rent, food, transport, clothes, accounts, work and relationships would be this frustrating.

You just take everything for granted when it's given to you on a silver platter, but then again. I've discovered so many things about myself during this period. Some good, some not so... erh.. good. (Changes subject quickly)

One thing that's stuck out to me though, is my mom's attitude towards me these past few months. She's a very principled and very traditional woman. I respect her so much for that. However it makes her rigid and unaccepting of change. For example, it's culturally wrong for a daughter to move out of her mother's house before she's married. Exhibit A: ME! - Moves out at the age of 21 (with absolutely no plans of a mere engagement). So naturally, she is against my moving out. I understand that. Any mother would find it difficult to let their babies free into the cold, cruel world! However, it's been two years now. Our relationship has even developed astoundingly. (Or maybe that's just on my side). Once in a while, I ask her for something, it may be an item of clothing, or a handbag, and most recently, she bought a new washing machine and offered me the old one (which is already 2.5 years old). There's always one catch: I should pay her for anything I ask for!
yes - seriously!
Her response is always: you work now. Which is true, but by living by myself, I pay for everything anyway! I don't understand why she finds it so hard to support me, willingly, without me paying her.

The other weekend, we went to the mall, and she decided to get Burger King for her and my sister. Then she said,"You work, so I don;t have to buy you food right?" I nodded. "No hard feelings?" she added, and I nodded again. It's just at the point where even food is something she needs to use to prove a point. I've tried looking at it from different perspectives.Perhaps she doesn't think I'm ready to be looking after myself so she's trying to show me that nothing in life is easy, or free.

Bottom line: I get a reality check every day from life itself. I don't need it from my mom too...

'Til Divorce Do Us Part...

Marriage is funny, really, there you were: single (Life was simple). Then you meet some stranger, love them, marry them, then they become your other half! That's the easy part apparently. So for someone whose witnessed a failed marriage first hand, and knowing that 80% of the married people I know are unhappy, I can attest that marriage isn't as binding as the vows make it seem. Or so I thought...

The divorce rate has steadily increased exponentially over the years. Some say women are just becoming too big for their own boots, trying to wear the pants in their relationships. Maybe. However I think women have just come to realise that they don't have to put up with the bullshit that men give us! I digress. That's another story (open for debate).
My point is, I've always believed that I should acquire my own assets before I get married. It's something my mother has always told me and it makes sense - financially. I had it all figured out, buy a house by the time I'm 25, and invest in whatever I can. So far so good.
Then when (if) I get married - I will get married out of community of property. My assets will be used to benefit both my husband and I, but I will have made provision to protect myself should anything happen. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

Well, it recently came to my attention, that I've gone about this the WRONG way. As a Christian, I should not go into marriage prepared for a divorce. That contradicts the entire purpose of marriage in the first place. God hates divorce! (Yes, that's actually a quote from the Bible.) Moreover, it's wrong to get married out of community of property, whatever you had acquired prior to marriage should become your children's assets, and belong to both husband and wife.
I have been told to pray about removing the spirit of divorce from my life, and that if I rebuke it, it will not manifest in my life. I should go in a marriage with the mindset that I will stay in it no matter what. With prayer and faith, there will be no need to protect myself with material things. Powerful.
I had never looked at it from that perspective.

Needless to say, being a Christian gets harder everyday. It's funny that I thought I had everything figured out, but God keeps showing me, that my plans exclude him, and I need to grow my faith in order to truly experience his infinite Glory and favour.