Sleeping with a broken heart

Okay, I've never been one to dwell on the negative but I can't take it anymore!!! I swear if people could die from a brokenheart- I would have been added to the statistics. I guess your life seems okay before a person comes along- then once they become a part of your life, it just seems incomplete without them. Now that everything I've tried so hard to hold onto has slipped out of my fingers: I feel like I have nothing. If you think I'm over exegerating, let's look at this holistically...

Family life- 95% damaged and it's going to take a LONG time to try sort this out, having one parent in a different province doesn't do much either
Church life- 100% gone since I'm not a sunday school teacher anymore, and I don't attend bible study. As for my relationship with God... I have no words.
Love life - 100% over considering I've been dumped for the 3rd time now(yes, by the same person). I think I love too hard. I need to stop that shit. The rebound list has been drawn up- but which one of them is ready for damaged goods?!
Friends - 30% still there. The ones who I can talk to are always busy and the rest? Well... I shut some of them out when I started dating *sigh*. On the other hand, I feel like I need to make some new friends, although people these days, aren't very friendly
School - I'm already regretting doing my diploma before I've even finished it, last week I went to a career fair and a lady (from a company which I will not disclose) told me to "come back when I have my honours!" I'm dreading finishing school because I'm actually scared that I won't find a (good) job!
Health - found out 3 days ago that I have an ear infection, AND my mom is on my case about loosing weight, and of course with everything happening right now: FOOD IS MY FRIEND!

I'm border line depressed. Nothing is going right in my life right now. Everyone who was important to me seems to just be phasing out slowly. Even my parents, I look at my mom sometimes and actually wish I was very far away from her. I also kind of feel like I've lost my purpose. I've thought of suicide- but then I remember that I won't go to heaven and that thought actually scares me. I wish I could channel all this negative energy into my school work, but my mind is so preoccupied. Can this year just end...


So on a lighter note ....

10 Signs you're not taking a break up well!!

1. Making excuses to call them every 5 minutes
2. There's never a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them
3. Planning 'accidental' meetings with them
4. Calling their phone hoping to get voicemail just to hear their voice
5. Photoshopping yourself into pictures with them (whether or not you show them to people doesn't matter)
6. You start talking to all his friends, to make sure you know where he is and what he's doing
7. Reading old messages and listening to voice notes
8. Putting his/her favourite songs on repeat because they remind you of all the happy times
9. Showing up at his house uninvited
10. Drinking non-stop as an aid to forget the pain

So how many of these do you think I'm guilty of? *pause for effect and hear an imaginary drumroll*
just 2! I don't think 2/10 is that bad but I won't tell you which 2!

 

The proof is in the pictures!!

Okay, as much as I'm all for fashion and keeping up with new trends... Am I the only person who thinks see-through tops are TACKY!!! I mean, here I was, sitting in a lecture, and the girl next to me was sporting her peek-a-boob top with (wait for it...) a coloured bra underneath it. When the lecturer walked past- he was literally starring at her boobs!!! I mean come on- it's one thing having your cleavage and decolletage on display, but when your breats and stomach are in full view- how do you expect people (especially men) to have respect for you?

It gets worse! Some people wear these tops with nothing underneath *face palm*. I am a feminist, and I understand that we are in an age where we celebrate our bodies, but ladies, can we please leave a bit to the imagination! No man is going to buy a cow if the milk is free!

Dont even get me started on ladies with big tummies that try to pull this look off!

Before I leave the house, I always do a "Daddy's-little-girl-test". BEHOLD:

Step 1: Look in the mirror

Step 2: Ask yourself, if my dad saw me in this outfit, would he be proud of me?

Step 3: Ask yourself, would I be ashamed if my dad saw me in this outfit?

Step 4: If the answer to step 3 is NO, and step 4 is YES- GO AND CHANGE!!!

(Step 5: These rules dont count when going out at night! ) 

Relationship or Relationshit?

Okay, so I'm no relationship expert, but I guess the only way you learn these things- is from experience right? I mean you know how we, as girls, think we can give each other advice about how to handle each other's men, but the fact of the matter is: our men are not the same!! A woman needs to take the time to decipher her man.
Growing up, I witnessed my parents go through seperation and to be frank, I can't really think of a husband and wife whose relationship I've ever admired. I look at my parents, and wonder how they were ever in love- they are just completely different people, with different priorities. Did one of them wake up a completely different person one random day? Or where the signs there from the beginning and they chose to ignore them? I might never know! How does a mother end up loving her children more than the person she made them with?
Just over a year ago, my perceptions of marriage were completely different from what they are now. I didn't see the point of it all. However, being in a relationship for the past 15 months has taught me more about myself than I realized. I've had to question the principles of the things I grew up learning, but then again, modern parents don't raise their daughters in a way that will prepare us for marriage. We are taught to be strong and independent. My mother always says, "Yolanda, the only way you will make it in life- is if you have an education. A black woman without an education will be abused by men!" What they don't teach us- is where to draw the line. Not too sure what her take on that would be- she only has experience of a failed marriage. However, I don't want to make the same mistakes- I plan on having one successful marriage! All I know, is that love requires commitment, and a commitment means effort.
Relationships really are what you make them- but before you point out his (or her) wrongs, be brave enough to point out yours. They might not be easy to fix, but if you really do have a partner, know that the burden is carried by four shoulders!!

BLOG RE-LAUNCH

So after running my blog for 2 years, I feel it is time for change! I've changed too as a person, and since my blog is a reflection of me: it only makes sense for it to evolve. watch this space as I will be doing things a little differently and taking my blog to a whole new level!

P.P: Thank you to all my regular readers and people who have supported me for the past 2 years!!

To kill a chicken or not!!

Tradition Vs. Modernism. I guess this is one of those topics, that are difficult to disscuss without offending someone, but the border line here is: If you firmly believe in your customs- why get offended or angry (such as those I recently had this arguement with...no names mentioned!) when someone questions you about it?

After much debate (and research) I have deduced that many people believe that a black african woman, should know how to kill, prepare and cook a chicken. Much to my dismay- my parents also agree. Funny enough, as patriotic and cultured as my parents are, they never saw the need to teach me how to kill chickens, that tells me that it's not that important and to be quite frank, those hideous birds scare me (when they are alive!). I've also derived that possessing the skill of killing a chicken is primarily determined by the environment of your upbringing. Those who lived on a farm for example would obviously need the skill. I've noticed that people who live/d with their grandmothers or those in places where electricity was unavailable seem to have acquired the skill at an earlyy age. For those of us who grew up in 'The Burbs'  there has always been easy access to shops (where chickens are already prepared and sometimes deboned). I don't even know where to get access to live chickens for that matter.

I am aware that it's a cultural prerequisite for a wife to kill and cook a chicken for her prospective husband's family at wedding negotiations- but what no one can explain to me is: why we do it!! People are so quick to jump to the, "It's our tradition" line. I mean what is the purpose of practising something when you don't even understand why you're doing it? As much as we have culture, there needs to be a purpose to the rituals that we practise! Gone are the days where mindless bafoons just do as they are told with no questions asked.

MY POINT: if there is no relevant need for some of our traditions- they should be dealt away with! People are evolving, so why should culture remain static?