It's when your boyfriend starts saying things like, "Just trying to set us up for our future... So you'll have to bear with me for now"... that you realize, Oh shit! I might just be with this person forever. It's scary and exciting at the same time.
I mean, how strange is it that giving someone your number could alter your happiness for the rest of your life?? *Mind. Blown*
Meanwhile, back in the outer limits of my brain... I've heard this all before. And believed it all before. Long story short. That didn't go as planned. Due to past events, I now struggle to have faith in statements that should have me gleaming with joy. It's so hard to get over being told that you aren't good enough, or that you come from a broken home and that you're the product of a dead beat father.
Coming out of all that, then meeting an amazing guy, kinda feels like I bit off more than I could chew. Am I ready for this? Am I ready to receive love that's unconditional when I don't even feel worthy of it?
I think the purest form of love that I had died when I realized I had been naive. I find myself wondering if I'll ever love like that again. I feel broken. It is somewhat unfair for the guy I'm dating now. He's giving me his entire heart, and I'm giving him what's left of mine. I wonder if it will ever be whole again. Now I'm starting to sound like those over emotional junkies. Great. This is really not the vibe I was going for when I decided to blog today. This was supposed to be a 'Hooray, I'm in love and my boyfriend is seeing a future with me' post! Well, so much for that. I suppose I should amend the title to something depressing as a warning... okay, this is getting weird, I'm talking to myself and making you read it. Okay. Bye.
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