Sugar What???

Okay, so we live in times where men no longer have to 'work' before we (us females) give up the cookie. So one of my girlfriend's said, "If we're going to give it up- might as well get something out of it!" Which sounded logical enough, but then it hit me - if you're going to sleep with a guy for money, how different are you from the 69th Avenue prostitute?? I mean yeah you might be dating the guy but if your primary objective for being with him is money, I don't see much difference.
I met a guy. I'm not too sure how old he is, but judging from his looks and demeanor- he's over 25. His taste in music and the way his pants hang below the waist- I can safely say he's not over 35! Anyway, I was walking and he stopped and offered me a ride. I said no and proceeded on my path. "You're too beautiful to be walking on suc a hot day," he said. That seemed to catch my attention. He was right. I opened the front door of his red GTi and hopped in. He told me his name and I told him mine, then he asked me where I was going. He asked for my number and within 5 minutes I was dropped off! He called me later... "I'm a guy with very few needs. Money isn't a problem for me and you seem like the kind of girl who has a lot of expenses. How about you take care of my needs and I take care of yours? We can meet up on your terms and if you don't want to be seen with me in public that's fine!" He then asked for my account number and he deposited money in my account. I havent really talked to him since then but on broke days I think about about calling him! Could I be falling victim to the predators they call Sugar Daddys?? Who knows!



AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE.... 5 signs that you aren't HOTT!

#1 You dress like a loser
#2 You're kept in the friendzone
#3 Your body has expanded in places in shouldn't
#4 You're often told you have inner beauty
#5 You get a lot of fake numbers

That girl I've seen around

Okay, so missing people in Johannesburg is probably something "normal". Infact, at some point I was probably a missing person myself! I don't know, it's different this time, the first time I saw the poster on the glass doors of our campass cafeteria, my heart sank. I don't even know her personally, she's one of those random girls I've seen around on campass for the past 3 years, but seeing her picture on a 'missing persons' document made me really sad. I imagined what her family is going through: going to bed every night not knowing if your child is dead or alive and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it! She dissapeared without a trace. It's been more than a month now. I want to hope she's alive but watching the news everyday is really probing the splinter of doubt in my mind. Last week a naked, headless body (which according to police, fit her description) was found in an open veld in surrounding areas but when the family saw the body, they confirmed it wasn't her. A friend of mine says it would've been better if the headless body was their daughter's. Yes, if she's dead they need her body to bury, but finding her like that would've been more traumatic in my opinion. Is it better to live with hope that your loved one is still alive, or to find their body? I wouldn't know. I hope I never have to know.

A bleeding heart

Okay, so some days I just feel like, turning off my phone. Packing up my shit. Leaving without saying a word. And going ghost for a few weeks. It would just be great to be in my own little bubble, apart from the occasional anxiousness of waiting for a call I know I'm not going to receive. *sigh* Waiting is painful, trying to forget is painful, but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering. Especially when the one person I really want to talk to, is the person I need to stay away from! Its funny, really. I'm starting to see him in a new light. As principled as I thought he was, I hate how he has double standards. When it comes to me- his principles and values are only an issue when it's convenient for him. I mean, if you're going to be principled: be principled monday to sunday! Further more, don't tell me you care about me and that you're there for me if it's just words! Everytime I move 2 steps forward- I manage to move 5 steps back. I almost regret the whole relationship. I can't help but wonder if my life would've been better, had I not met him. Not that I blame him for anything but hey, that's just how I feel!
Moral of this story: the scary thing about dating is that you're either going to get married or break up! :/ (Yes, that's me trying to depress you!)

The "Jaclyn syndrome"

Okay so, I was watching Bachelor Pad, (Yes I'm a hopeless romantic who watches reality shows where people fall in love- I've just realised how cheesy that sounds) Meanwhile... this season, Jaclyn and Ed have partnered up (because challlenges have to be completed in pairs). They do everything together: eat, sleep in the same bed, go on dates, etc. Slowly but surely, Jaclyn starts falling for Ed, he even appears to be sharing the same sentiment because he plays along. Then, one night,Chris Harrison (the presenter) asks Ed if he has a romantic connection with anyone in the house. Ed reveals infront of EVERYONE that he has no intentions of being in a relationship anytime soon and that his sole purpose of being in the competition is to win the money. Obviously, everyone suddenly looks at Jaclyn to see her reaction. It was quite evident that his words had pierced through her in multiple places! Her wounds now exposed, all she managed was a, " I have nothing to say to that." ( At this point: my jaw was on the floor). Later on in the episode, the two win a date to a secluded island and they decide to talk about the previous night. Jaclyn pours her heart out about how she's falling in love with him, and that she was under the impression that he was open to the idea. He tells her that he was still pursuing someone back in his hometown and that he sees her only as a friend and partner in the game. The news brings her to tears. He then goes on to tell her how wonderful and amazing she is, and that any guy would be lucky to have her, blah blah blah... She flashes a smile and ends up allowing him to spend the night with her. (Jaw on the floor again). I mean, how stupid is this girl??? He just blatantly told her that he'll never date her, but after a few romantic nothings- she was willing to jump into bed with him!!!!!

Then it hit me... I've been doing the same thing the last few weeks! I've been such an idiot. I've been telling myself that I accepted the break up but the truth is, I've been holding on. The only way I can really move on, is by cutting him out completely. So far so good. It's only been 4 days, and I'll admit I've dialled his number a few times but I never actually go through with the call. I'm glad I realised I had the "Jaclyn Syndrome" and it took an episode of Bachelor Pad to get myself out of the denial phase and into recovery. I just feel depressed, not just because of the break-up, but everything else that's been happening in my life. Atleast this is the one thing I can safely say, has a way forward!

Basic Fashion Tips (For guys & girls)

Okay, as ridiculous as the title post sounds, this is very neccessary! As an "established" fashion guru, it's time I point out the terrible fashion trends, or rather, disasters that I've been seeing around campass. I won't go as far as to post pictures of these fashion-offenders, but lets just hope this article somehow reaches their view!!
TIP 1: If you're dressed in all black, make sure the it's all the same black! (seriously, I've seen a pitch black top, with a blackish gray jacket and blackish -blue pants *vomits*) the same applies to grey.
TIP 2: GUYS- if you don't have muscles, stay away from sleeveless muscle tops.
TIP 3: If you're dark skinned, don't ever fool yourself into thinking that a pair of white framed sunglasses look good.
TIP 4: LADIES- Do not (I repaet) do not, wear sneakers with skirts, or (heaven forbid a dress). Even if you're trying to go for the Avril Lavigne look: that vibe is so 2004!
TIP 5: The new trend, LEATHER!! A season must-have. Guys- stick to leather jackets. Ladies, the short A-line leather skirt looks better on petite girls, but hey, if you really feel the need to channel your inner rockstar- go for it.
TIP 6: I've said it before, I'll say it again: Coloured bra, see-through top is super tacky! (Unless you're at a pool party or the beach)

TIP 8: Ladies, reds, nudes, pinks, and orange are summer's lipstick colours but please note: your skin tone will determine the shades you can use NOT the colour of your outfit!
TIP 9: Guys are now on the accessories trail. (Which I'm not too sure if I'm a big fan of) but, if you're going to do it- keep it minimal please. (If you're thinking of flavour-Flav's chain/clock- that is a definite no-no)
TIP 10: Ladies, make-up is supposed to enhance what you already have. If it starts looking like a peel-off mask, you've gone too far. Keep it simple during the day by choosing to emphasize one feature. so if you're going to do a red lip, keep the eyes simple (eye-liner and mascara).

P.S: Girls who wear leggings without any underwear- I'm onto you!!

One step forward, Five steps back!

Okay, so I know I said I was going to move on, but now I feel like I'm stuck in a phase where I just keep going back and forth on the same thing. From one perspective- my friends think that I'm being an idiot. I acknowledge that sometimes when you're the one in a situation, you don't see how stupid you're acting, but at the same time, they don't know all the facts! (and maybe that's just an excuse). There's one thing about men that I really hate though... why do they string us along? They always know exactly what their intentions are, and they are also very aware of our emotions, but they play along and give us hope. They make us feel like they can fulfill all our dreams so they give us nothing but empty promises!!! Are they so heartless? Maybe. He tells me one thing and does the opposite. Am I supposed to act on his words- or his actions. It's all a big mess. How long am I going to be feeling like this? One thing is certain- whenever my phone rings I hope it's him. The irony. I don't understand why you'd send someone goodmorning and goodnight messages after a break-up. He wants me to know that he's thinking about me, but why? Because he still cares? Then why did he abandon me at the time I needed him most? Oh right- because he needed to make a decision that would put him first! Or why does he carry on calling me by the names he used to use while we were dating!! The worst is him telling me that he still loves me- then he goes on to give the excuses for why it won't work. What fuck'ery! What then, will anyone ever fight for, if they can't fight for the people they love? Arg. I want to scream. It's making me crazy. I want to call him and tell him I love him, but I want to rant and hate him. Maybe even throw in a smack or two! Does he even deserve my love? He did, afterall give up on us. I feel like I'm not good enough- oh, but I'm good enough to f*ck every once in a while! I guess if there's something I've learnt after all of this: no one will ever accept me the way I am. I have baggage. At some point I had thought that if I just bared it all, he'd see my openess as a way to bond. Well that totally back fired! Lesson learnt! My next relationship, I'll have to keep a lot of things to myself. Especially about my family. *sigh* I miss being in a happy place... I think I need a drink...

It's all in a kiss!

A kiss can make you feel everything, or it can make you feel nothing. It's pretty much the seperator between friend and lover! Personally, there's no way we can go further if the kissing sucks! Trust me I've seen it all, (or should I say tasted it all). Here's a list of my top 6 worst kisses, in no particular order!

1. The "Hello-Nicotine" kisser- the smoker that secretes a flavour formed from his cigarettes and all you want to do is brush your teeth, floss, rinse with mouthwash and take a mint!
2. The "Lolly-pop licker"- he keeps his lips on yours, and jabbs his tongue in and out, the way a frog does when trying to catch a fly!
3. The "Take-your-breath-away" kisser- he usually has big lips, and they block the airway to your nose, THEN he decides to give you a never ending kiss and you literally have to push him away while you gasp desperately for air!
4. The Bitter- well as the name suggests, he takes nibbling way too seriously, and leaves you with a swollen lip.
5. The "Whale washer"- he makes improper use of his unlimited supply of saliva. At the end of it, you have to wipe away the access. YUCK!
6. The "Tick-tocker"- he contiuously rotates his head simultaneously with his tongue. What more can I say?


And my best kisses...
1. The "Honey!,I'm home" kiss- its usually given as a hello or goodbye. Short. Quick. Cute.
2. The Upside-down kiss- those of you who have watched spiderman will know what I'm talking about. So romantic *happy sigh*
3. The Suprise kiss- nothing like a gentle unexpected kiss, usually anywhere on the face.
4. The "I'm gonna rip your clothes off" kiss- Oh yeah, *wink wink* it's usually rough, involves lip bitting and more often that not, leads to erh... X-rated proceedings!
5. The "whisper" kisses- these usually happen when she's trying to talk and he's trying to shut her up. So it's pretty much a kiss inbetween each word, then somehow ends as *read number 4*


And places I hate getting kisses...
1. My ears, eeeew. Tongue+Ear=Turn off!
2. Toes. Enough said.
3. My back
4. My nose.


Look at the end of the day, it's all supposed to feel good, but what happens when your partner has bad kissing habits? AWKWARD!! Just find a nice way to tell them and show them how you prefer being kissed.

Moving Forward!

Okay, so if you read my last post:you'd probably think I was sounding suicidal! Not to worry, there seems to be some light at the end of my tunnel!! After a very long week, I'm not feeling so sad anymore. I think the break-up hit me hard because I didn't see it coming and the main reason I was finding it so hard to let go was because I thought it would be really difficult to walk away from someone whose been one of the prime factors in my life for some time. The good news is: I recently realised that moving on won't be as hard as I had imagined it to be The bad news: I'm still a little unsure about the path I should take with my "ex". Gosh, it's weird even saying that. Sometimes I literally have to remind myself that I'm single! I mean is it ever really possible for people who were in a relationship to be genuine friends? My head is telling me to cut him off completely and forget I even knew him (which is what I've always done with my previous ex's) and it works! Although this time- I don't want that. I don't want to get to a point where I don't care, but how do I do that without compromising my "moving on". *sigh* He was there for me through such a difficult time and even though he opted out before I could extend the same courtesy- I still want to be there for him (Just as a friend.) So this is the decision I'm stuck with, hopefully I'll have an answer by the end of the week. The new news: So much to everyone's dismay, I've been poking around for nominees for a new relationship! YES, you read that right! And yes, it may be too soon, but it doesn't feel wrong. Naturally, I'm someone who doesn't sit well with being lonely so a new relationship might just be what I need. (This theory has been tested and the results were positive before). So right now the options are looking good. I won't jinx anything by giving away anything yet, and before you even think about it- I won't give away the cookie either! Honestly I had even forgotten how easy it is for me to hook guys. The hard part is deciding which one I want. So lets keep our fingers crossed that my date will go well today ;)

Sleeping with a broken heart

Okay, I've never been one to dwell on the negative but I can't take it anymore!!! I swear if people could die from a brokenheart- I would have been added to the statistics. I guess your life seems okay before a person comes along- then once they become a part of your life, it just seems incomplete without them. Now that everything I've tried so hard to hold onto has slipped out of my fingers: I feel like I have nothing. If you think I'm over exegerating, let's look at this holistically...

Family life- 95% damaged and it's going to take a LONG time to try sort this out, having one parent in a different province doesn't do much either
Church life- 100% gone since I'm not a sunday school teacher anymore, and I don't attend bible study. As for my relationship with God... I have no words.
Love life - 100% over considering I've been dumped for the 3rd time now(yes, by the same person). I think I love too hard. I need to stop that shit. The rebound list has been drawn up- but which one of them is ready for damaged goods?!
Friends - 30% still there. The ones who I can talk to are always busy and the rest? Well... I shut some of them out when I started dating *sigh*. On the other hand, I feel like I need to make some new friends, although people these days, aren't very friendly
School - I'm already regretting doing my diploma before I've even finished it, last week I went to a career fair and a lady (from a company which I will not disclose) told me to "come back when I have my honours!" I'm dreading finishing school because I'm actually scared that I won't find a (good) job!
Health - found out 3 days ago that I have an ear infection, AND my mom is on my case about loosing weight, and of course with everything happening right now: FOOD IS MY FRIEND!

I'm border line depressed. Nothing is going right in my life right now. Everyone who was important to me seems to just be phasing out slowly. Even my parents, I look at my mom sometimes and actually wish I was very far away from her. I also kind of feel like I've lost my purpose. I've thought of suicide- but then I remember that I won't go to heaven and that thought actually scares me. I wish I could channel all this negative energy into my school work, but my mind is so preoccupied. Can this year just end...


So on a lighter note ....

10 Signs you're not taking a break up well!!

1. Making excuses to call them every 5 minutes
2. There's never a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them
3. Planning 'accidental' meetings with them
4. Calling their phone hoping to get voicemail just to hear their voice
5. Photoshopping yourself into pictures with them (whether or not you show them to people doesn't matter)
6. You start talking to all his friends, to make sure you know where he is and what he's doing
7. Reading old messages and listening to voice notes
8. Putting his/her favourite songs on repeat because they remind you of all the happy times
9. Showing up at his house uninvited
10. Drinking non-stop as an aid to forget the pain

So how many of these do you think I'm guilty of? *pause for effect and hear an imaginary drumroll*
just 2! I don't think 2/10 is that bad but I won't tell you which 2!

 

The proof is in the pictures!!

Okay, as much as I'm all for fashion and keeping up with new trends... Am I the only person who thinks see-through tops are TACKY!!! I mean, here I was, sitting in a lecture, and the girl next to me was sporting her peek-a-boob top with (wait for it...) a coloured bra underneath it. When the lecturer walked past- he was literally starring at her boobs!!! I mean come on- it's one thing having your cleavage and decolletage on display, but when your breats and stomach are in full view- how do you expect people (especially men) to have respect for you?

It gets worse! Some people wear these tops with nothing underneath *face palm*. I am a feminist, and I understand that we are in an age where we celebrate our bodies, but ladies, can we please leave a bit to the imagination! No man is going to buy a cow if the milk is free!

Dont even get me started on ladies with big tummies that try to pull this look off!

Before I leave the house, I always do a "Daddy's-little-girl-test". BEHOLD:

Step 1: Look in the mirror

Step 2: Ask yourself, if my dad saw me in this outfit, would he be proud of me?

Step 3: Ask yourself, would I be ashamed if my dad saw me in this outfit?

Step 4: If the answer to step 3 is NO, and step 4 is YES- GO AND CHANGE!!!

(Step 5: These rules dont count when going out at night! ) 

Relationship or Relationshit?

Okay, so I'm no relationship expert, but I guess the only way you learn these things- is from experience right? I mean you know how we, as girls, think we can give each other advice about how to handle each other's men, but the fact of the matter is: our men are not the same!! A woman needs to take the time to decipher her man.
Growing up, I witnessed my parents go through seperation and to be frank, I can't really think of a husband and wife whose relationship I've ever admired. I look at my parents, and wonder how they were ever in love- they are just completely different people, with different priorities. Did one of them wake up a completely different person one random day? Or where the signs there from the beginning and they chose to ignore them? I might never know! How does a mother end up loving her children more than the person she made them with?
Just over a year ago, my perceptions of marriage were completely different from what they are now. I didn't see the point of it all. However, being in a relationship for the past 15 months has taught me more about myself than I realized. I've had to question the principles of the things I grew up learning, but then again, modern parents don't raise their daughters in a way that will prepare us for marriage. We are taught to be strong and independent. My mother always says, "Yolanda, the only way you will make it in life- is if you have an education. A black woman without an education will be abused by men!" What they don't teach us- is where to draw the line. Not too sure what her take on that would be- she only has experience of a failed marriage. However, I don't want to make the same mistakes- I plan on having one successful marriage! All I know, is that love requires commitment, and a commitment means effort.
Relationships really are what you make them- but before you point out his (or her) wrongs, be brave enough to point out yours. They might not be easy to fix, but if you really do have a partner, know that the burden is carried by four shoulders!!

BLOG RE-LAUNCH

So after running my blog for 2 years, I feel it is time for change! I've changed too as a person, and since my blog is a reflection of me: it only makes sense for it to evolve. watch this space as I will be doing things a little differently and taking my blog to a whole new level!

P.P: Thank you to all my regular readers and people who have supported me for the past 2 years!!

To kill a chicken or not!!

Tradition Vs. Modernism. I guess this is one of those topics, that are difficult to disscuss without offending someone, but the border line here is: If you firmly believe in your customs- why get offended or angry (such as those I recently had this arguement with...no names mentioned!) when someone questions you about it?

After much debate (and research) I have deduced that many people believe that a black african woman, should know how to kill, prepare and cook a chicken. Much to my dismay- my parents also agree. Funny enough, as patriotic and cultured as my parents are, they never saw the need to teach me how to kill chickens, that tells me that it's not that important and to be quite frank, those hideous birds scare me (when they are alive!). I've also derived that possessing the skill of killing a chicken is primarily determined by the environment of your upbringing. Those who lived on a farm for example would obviously need the skill. I've noticed that people who live/d with their grandmothers or those in places where electricity was unavailable seem to have acquired the skill at an earlyy age. For those of us who grew up in 'The Burbs'  there has always been easy access to shops (where chickens are already prepared and sometimes deboned). I don't even know where to get access to live chickens for that matter.

I am aware that it's a cultural prerequisite for a wife to kill and cook a chicken for her prospective husband's family at wedding negotiations- but what no one can explain to me is: why we do it!! People are so quick to jump to the, "It's our tradition" line. I mean what is the purpose of practising something when you don't even understand why you're doing it? As much as we have culture, there needs to be a purpose to the rituals that we practise! Gone are the days where mindless bafoons just do as they are told with no questions asked.

MY POINT: if there is no relevant need for some of our traditions- they should be dealt away with! People are evolving, so why should culture remain static?